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Originally Posted by shezbut
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I am tired. Emotionally and physically. I find myself wandering around, wishing for escape. Fantasizing about jumping into the Mississippi river and/or standing on the train tracks at the last moment. I wish that I could end it. I seriously do!
I know that my girls have put up with enough misery from me. They don't need to suffer anymore. Yet, it seems cruel to have to live a life of misery, to make others less unhappy. I take my meds. I go to therapy regularly. I visit an elderly lady, who lives alone & needs help, every week. I care for my boyfriend. I see my daughters regularly too.
What am I doing wrong? Why are these temptations coming back into my life now? I did talk to my T about these thoughts today ~ and I promised not to act upon them. But I won't see him for another 2 weeks. ughhh... That's such a long time to be feeling like this.  I need some happiness. |
((((((oh Shezbut))))))))
I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time. What does your therapist tell you when you talk about this? You are obviously a kind caring person, it sounds like you are giving to people around you.
What is oppressing you, you are not allowing yourself to enjoy who you are, "A GOOD PERSON" somewhere someone has hurt you in your past, tell me what is back there that makes you feel like you are worthless.
I know that you have to get by without your therapist so why don't you PM me and let me see if I can help you over the hump, ok?
Please dont feel like you are bothing me, I never feel bothered by a person who is good. You don't have to feel like you are imposing at all when you visit me. I will listen, it helps me too you know.
Open Eyes
