Then,what is it about me that I have to be doomed to be left with this experience with love in my life?I must deserve it.I want to be 'in love' passionate,treasured,and psychologically intimate with one of 'like mind'.....not have this be my final experience.Not feel as if this is all there is.It wasn't even till last year that I faced it for what it is.I can't push on this way.I'm f'ing tired from it.Now, my sleep is suffering again.Next thing you know, my personality is going to suffer.My dear friend pointed out that I was different somehow when away from here.