Hi Dal37 and welcome to PC.

I know the military isn't known for their flexibility, but is there any way you can return home? There must be some provision for serious family illness, even if it's just temporary while she stabilizes.

Unfortunately, infidelity is not uncommon in spouses with bipolar disorder. The hypersexuality in mania of any degree can be overwhelming, no matter how faithful a person would typically be. It's part of the illness, but that does not mean it should be tolerated. It is still her responsibility to manage her illness and try to prevent being in that state in the first place. Does she have any other supports at home while she is trying to get this under control? I agree, having a good friend is essential.

I wouldn't jump into thinking about divorce just yet. As with any chronic illness, it takes time to learn to manage it and get the medication right. There are skills she can learn to help her get through the manic impulsivity - does she have a therapist? Therapy is essential in learning how to manage this, especially when first diagnosed. You mentioned that she was "at a -2" when she told you about the infidelities. On one hand, it sounds like she is charting her moods, which is very good. On the other hand, it sounds like she is cycling between the hypomania and depression, which can be very dangerous. Oftentimes after a manic episode, there is a "crash" into depression. This is when the guilt of the stupid things we did when we were manic comes up. Right now I would try to look at the big picture and not focus on the sexual part of the illness. Even though her doctor is bound by confidentiality laws to not divulge information to you if she doesn't allow it, you can still talk to her doctor and voice your concerns. He/she may not know that she is cycling if it is happening quickly. It is often the people around us who are able to see things that we cannot.

It sounds like you love your wife very much and have taken this new diagnosis as best as you can. Continue to be there for her, but do not neglect your own needs. Is there someone you can talk to about your feelings about all of this? I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you to try to help her manage this from a distance. Does she have any family nearby who could take some of the pressure off you to watch out for her? Don't be afraid to ask for help.

This isn't an easy road to travel, but it can certainly be worth it. Hang in there and have faith that things will be better once her illness is effectively treated.