interesting. in general im a troubled guy - im not sure if A.P.D is to blame or not, if i even have it, that is. from what ive read about the disorder, people with it have an constant "empty" feeling, have no real emotions, and any emotions they do show are simply mimics of others emotions. and strangely im not sure if my emotions are real, im just not sure. this is such a silly question but how do i know this?

you mentiond that i care how my actions effect others - im not saying i don't exactly, but what gave you this impression?


i also would like to share another "symptom"

around 2001 my mother made a "terrorist fund" in case there was a terrorist attack. (which is ridiculous, i know) it was essentially $500 inside an envelope hidden deep in her closet. last year i wanted to buy a 4 track recorder terribly, but had no money. i decided to take some money out of the fund (initially telling myself that i would pay it back)
but any time i came into a little money the last thing i wanted to do was throw it back into the envelope, which i figured my mom had probably forgotten by then anyway. eventually i decided i would keep all of the money, since she forgot about it anyway. my sister found the envelope in my room and told my mom. she was extremely disappointed in me and i actually had to go live with my dad for a while. i stole from my own mother, and to this day cannot say that i really feel any gulit about it. what did i do 6 months after i got back? i took MORE money (sincerely telling myself that i would only be borrowing the money, and i did pay it back)

all in all, would you say that i probably don't have this? are there different levels of personality disorders? or do you either have it or not have it? anyway, thank you for the response, it makes me feel better allready. because as i mentioned before, the thought of me actually having this really bothers me. (because i feel like this severley reduces my chances of having an enjoyable life, and i still have my whole life ahead of me) it bothers me to the point where i almost feel like i should just kill myself now, instead of living with this crap. no, i probably wont, but its an idea thats been coming into my head more and more thesedays.