Quote:
Originally Posted by Lavalamp
Met with T this morning and talked about the whole "Dad Affair." She's of the opinion that me calling him is my "little boy ego state" still trying to be loved by this man. And that until I realize that for whatever reasons that block him, that ain't happenin'. Never did - still isn't - may never. She suggested that I "try on" the concept of "just staying with the pain" of not being met. That as long as I pursue his love, I will continue to experience the frustration, anger, sadness I feel with him. But maybe by just ACCEPTING the fact that love isn't available, I may get to the point where I can MORN it.... Tough pill to swallow, but I get it. Does this familiar to anybody?? Feels right. Resinated with me when she said it. But it still makes me terribly sad.
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Well, I did give you my opinion and it is interesting to see your T's opinion.
I don't agree with just staying with the pain concept. Maybe just the way it is put and how your brain may perceive that. I think that it is healthier to realize that in spite of him, you are a good person. I know that many people do not have the story book family. And they continue to grow and fourish as good and productive people. In fact Walt Disney had this theme in many of his movies and stories, almost every one. Even the Jungle Book story revolves around an orphan. So I can only submise that as we have so many stories that do revolve around this occurance, yes there is pain, however there is strength.
I just have to think about the fact that it is much healthier to focus on the strength, than the pain. I don't know why many therapists seem to need to concentrate on THE PAIN.
When I think of an abuse and what results, A BRAIN INJURY, I am of the opinion that it is much healthier to focus on HEALING THE INJURY.
I do not think that revisiting the constant actions that caused damage is of any use except to ACKNOWLEDGE that YES, something injured us, and our brain is very confused about it. The only other reason for revisiting is to examine HOW, WHY, WHAT WAS THE REASON.
When someone tells you that you will have to LIVE WITH THE PAIN. I don't like that. What that is saying to me is THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH OPPRESSION THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I think that is a bad message to our brain.
I really think that focusing you the victim's STRENGTH, is a much better way of allowing your brain to deal with it better and allow it to let go of
the abusive OPPRESSION.
What struck me about your description about what happened and how you handled it, was that YOU SHOWED AMAZING STRENGTH. I was really impressed and I also saw your frustration about that. My post to you was to make sure that you realized WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
In order for our Brain Injury to really get better we have to realize that someone who hurt us WAS A SICK OR DISURBED PERSON. This is what we are looking at when we go back. I really get upset when this is not addressed properly.
Look, I know what she is trying to say, but I don't want you to live out your life IN PAIN.
You have your own family and they are a good family. If you live the rest of your life thinking PAIN, that isn't healthy.
We have to be careful about what we walk away with and how we can allow our brains to hold onto an emotion forever. Because if we do that than, how are we going to realize that WE ARE STRONG.
What I wanted you to get from that whole experience is that even though you had a parent that was DISTURBED OR ABUSIVE, you still got to BE A GOOD MAN, YOU ARE A GOOD MAN AND A GOOD FATHER AND HUSBAND.
And, the fact that you took care of this person inspite of how bad he abused you, means YOU ARE A GOOD MAN AND YOU ARE A GOOD SON INSPITE OF HIS FAILURE.
That is really what that little boy needs to know. That is what that little ego needs to know, HE WAS A GOOD BOY ALL ALONG.
And that is what he NEEDS TO KNOW FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
No matter what boss is mean to him or what person today, tomarrow and in the future does to him or says to him.
AND
So that when someone is a BAD BOSS, why does the inner voice of a young talented woman keep telling her that this behavior is not good for her? Why is a therapist telling her to keep looking at something bad, why is a therapist not showing her the bad person and telling her that it is a sick person and maybe the only thing she can take from him is the good talents and not the sickness. Why isn't the therapist telling her that
the reason she is confused is that yes she has his intelligence but all the SHAME, PAIN, ANGER, she if feeling means SHE IS NOT LIKE HIM, SHE HAS A CONCIENCE.
And one other thing. She is not happy and her boss is not a nice man.
SO WHY IS THE THERAPIST TELLING HER TO DISASSOIATE FROM THAT AND GROUND HERSELF AND GO AGAINST HER HEART. I want to know why she has take a pill to concentrate around this atmosphere that she knows is not good for her. ISN'T THAT TELLING HERE THAT SHE HAS TO DO THE SAME THING SHE DID WITH HER FATHER?
Well, excuse me BUT I THINK THIS VERY BRAVE WOMAN DESERVES TO (HEAL). SOMEONE IS NOT LISTENING TO HER. And she CANT STOP CRYING.
You know what, she deserves to be heard and she deserves to get better and BE STRONG. If she is not happy and cannot function under someone who is picking on her she deserves to BE STRONG and do something that will MAKE HER HAPPY.
Open Eyes