It took me several tries to find a doctor who I felt comfortable with...now that I've found him, I will never see anyone else. He is aware of my CSA history and is very good at explaining everything he is doing and trying his best to make me as comfortable as possible. Have you looked into a Women's Only type of clinic - I've heard that doctors in those clinics are very sensitive and understanding.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. You are not a weirdo. You will be able to engage in a sexual relationship when you feel like you are ready. It is common for people dealing with SA to avoid sex. There is nothing wrong with that and I'm sure you mother acting like sex was something to be ashamed of contributes to all this.
I think your doctors response is insensitive to say the least. There are good gyno's out there - sorry you're having such a hard time with this!