Thank-you Genevieve for saying that you care about how I feel and if I want to die. That means a lot to me. I'm going to save this post and remember that so I don't forget it.

I think expressing myself is not always rumination. I think I need to learn to expressed myself in different, more productive ways, like you said.

I'm going to try really really hard to not get worked up, but it's going to be really difficult. What you suggested saying instead sounds really sensible. I don't know when I'm going to learn how to do that instead of exploding.

It is a hard lesson to learn, that other people are not responsible for my emotions. I react really strongly to some things that people do and I start thinking that they caused my emotions. This ends up making me angry and all sorts of horrible bad feelings.

Pdoc1 is working with me on insight right now. She made me realize one thing. When I make threats and stuff, what I really want is for people to care about me. The more threats I make, the more I want people to give me hugs and stuff. I'm doing things the wrong way. It's going to a tough habit to break because my mind automatically thinks those horrible bad thoughts.

I'm going to take your advice and practice here. I've already abandoned my venting thread to try to help others more. When I feel lonely and bad, I tried to post to other people. Alexandra said that is what she does. I'm trying the same thing.

I'm still taking my meds. I think it helps some, but unfortunately there's still some breakthrough insanity.