I hope this doesn't sound mean, because I don't mean it that way at all, but my first thought when I read your post was that maybe your therapist (the one you had the blow out with) saw a way that hospitalization might help you but you maybe weren't ready to hear it. Now it sounds like you are more open to that.

I only bring it up because I'm like that too--there's nothing I wanted LESS than to be in a psych hospital and I freaked out when it happened. But once I was there it was like this 40-ton weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to pretend anymore that I was better than I was.

It's not as awful as people think. I mean, it's not like a vacation at the shore or anything, but it really can help by removing you from the chaos for awhile and redoing your meds in a controlled setting. You don't have to cook or even look good, just brush your teeth, stay out of trouble, eat. (I managed two of those three.)

Good suggestions here. I'm hoping you are turned around and feeling better soon. Be aware that if you tell your GP you are suicidal you might end up in hospital, depending on where you live. In some states it's required, but as I said, it isn't as bad as all that. Good luck.