Quote:
Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying
Intellectually, I know that. I've gone through all the cognitive distortions, negative coping skills, and self-hatred with T. It never seems to reach my heart...I am always looking for the one thing that will give me peace, make me feel clean, and free me from the abusers grips.
I am still trying to understand why the abuse makes me want to destroy myself.
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Can't Stop Crying, I can relate to the wanting to destroy the self so that I can finally be pure, asexual. It gets worse when I am triggered. I get flashes of aggressively hurting myself. All the self-hatred that I've carried with me...very painful.
I have felt like two people most of my life: one is the otherworldly alien and the other is my true self. I think that the alien is a form of negative introject who belittles me and reminds me that I don't deserve healthy love from others, especially a boyfriend.
I wish you success in resolving this struggle of yours.