Quote:
Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue
I have finally realized that rejecting the faith of my family is to become something of an outcast. Once when I was younger, my Mother said something to the effect that family relations with any family member who left the Catholic faith would be "different", but I never thought I would see it come true. I wish this didn't have to be between us, but it is. It always will be. It breaks my heart, but I don't know how to go back in time and believe again. I don't want to either. Believing broke my heart and not being able to breaks it again. I just want out already. I hate the way they do things, the way they live and the way they have forced me to live. They are no happier than I am, yet they are the righteous ones. I do not mean to be bitter. I try tor respect them and their faith, even though it often fills me with anger, despair and horrible personal conflict. Yet I still love them. Even though they are all around me and usually everything is fine and I can 'forget' about it, I still feel like I have some how lost my family.
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I don't think you've lost your family. There would be no doubt about it if you had. Religion is a very difficult topic with so many twists and turns. Don't go back in time and believe again, maybe just leave the topic alone when it comes up. Your family probably already knows how you feel anyway.
Is there an upside to discussing it and drawing a line in the sand that says "I'm no longer a catholic"? If the only upside is that you feel more honest - then feel less honest and less broken hearted. It's really not worth the bad feelings and stress. I stopped believing in that faith when I was very young and had a horrible time with my family about it until I learned to simply ignore it if it came up.
I realize I just told you to do exactly what you don't want to do...so my apologies but there may not be any other way. I'm really glad you love them...that is always a good thing....