Ohhhhhhhhhh special.........your post makes my heart ache. I've known and loved you for a good while now, but I did not know what pain lay beneath the surface. I am so much better at reading posts than with supplying advice. I can always give support but rarely have the answers. I know you've been struggling; I just didn't know why. You needn't thank me or anyone for the opportunity to vent. That comes with the territory; that's what we do. I hope you'll be given comforting words of advice........I'm good at giving out hugs. I you, my special friend......I'll listen anytime. grey