i wont shut her out...she is the one person i can never shut out..when i lost my grandma she was the only one to reach me when i was totally lost without her and my auntie could see i was lost after loosing her....she gives me time if i need it and she always makes me know when im ready she is there for me.....i try not telling her that but when im really depressed and she wants to know whats wrong with me...i just end up telling her and then i feel even worse b/c its not what she needs to hear. Thank you PH, i know what you are saying and thank you i know i can PM you if i need to talk...posting these days is all i seem to want to do..is that bad?