hey there, you're going to be ok. you're still so young.. oh, boy, it's been about 6 years since i was in high school, and i was just like you. even after high school, i fell for an older man, (although i'm not gay, i do seem to be attracted to men who are a bit older than I) now, it's getting much better. i've since learned why i tend to be attracted to older men, and just like you, especially ones who have some type of authority or wisdom to offer such as teachers. it's like you think you might feel safe with them, but trust me, you don't, once you get there. yes, i've been "there," and it's constant anxiety about getting caught, and him/her losing their job/reputation. as you grow a little older, things will get better. i'm sure being gay makes it all that more difficult though. i'm sorry you are so confused right now. confusion sucks....: ) do your friends know? you can definitely find a lot of advice and comfort with the people who come to this site, so keep posting. also, at least, you have a motivation to go to school everyday. : ))sometimes it's hard to wake up and get going. one more thing, do you move around a lot? possibly, you're trying to anchor yourself in one place by developing crushes?? i think i used to do that because i felt so out of place. i was painfully shy.
k, be well, and keep us updated.