Thanks for bringing it up again in the forum, I only have my phone tues-thurs so I couldn't find it. It was a great post. But I'm right there with you, just a minute ago I said to myself that I don't want to continue down this path again, I've fought so hard to get better (I still have a long way to go) but immediately my ED kicked in saying that I was fat and ugly and this is my only option. It made me feel disgusted with myself for even thinking of quitting. Its hard. I quit my dietician today. She told me that I am headed for heart failure and to please keep her updated so she knows I'm safe. I know I'm taking actions to encourage not eating. But I'm convinced I have it figured out, this time will be different and ill control it. I know the things I think about this are wrong. I know there is no safe way to not eat. I know the risks, and I just figure the goal is worth it. Insane and irrational, but so hard to get past.