Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaybird57
I think there is also a category of Disorganized attachment which is a combination of advoidant and anxious. The person approaches because they truly do want to attach to an another, but then the level of anxiety increases and fear of being overwhelmed or engulfed sets in and the person detaches and she moves away again. This cycle can be repeated over and over again, until the person is exhausted and just gives up or the person she is trying to relate to walks off in frustration. This is me. On one level, I want to attach and have intimacy, but the anxiety of having to be vulnerable, trust and give up my independence (fear of dependency) makes me push away and "go it alone."
But as Perna says, this was all learned through my early experiences in childhood and the world is not that way anymore because I am an adult. What worked when I was a child and helped me survive, is no longer a workable way of functioning and relating in the adult world. As I've started to recognize my pattern of relating, I get more skilled at circumventing my dysfunctional way of relating to others. It's not an easy process but it changing! Interesting thread.
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Yes, disorganized attachment with the primary caregiver is another category. And it does define our view of others and how we interact with others because attachment is a core issue. We may have a hard time seeing how that happens in our adult relationships, or it may be pretty clear yet what is not clear is what to do about it. That is where my relationship with my therapist is healing in itself, as well as our looking together at other relationships. It is where my lack of sense of self originates.
For me, unpredictability is the main effect of disorganized attachment. And of course it gets repeated over and over in many ways large and small. There is so much to explore and learn. That unpredictability is part of life for everyone, that it can also be sponteneity, that we are separate even when we are attached (so important!), that we expect disaster eventually, etc.
This is a really interesting thread!