T didn't say "you are too borderline" she just said I have too many needs, need too much reassurance, draw close to her and then push her away too much, ask her to repeat things I "should" know by now...all kinds of things that are to my mind sort of classic bpd behavior. If my T can't take it, I am well and truly screwed. I already travel an hour each way to get to Ts practice, which is the only dbt practice within any sort of reasonable driving distance.

Not too long ago, the thought of losing T, even just reading here about people losing their own Ts, was agonizing for me. Now, I am sort of numb. A tiny part of me wants to keep trying and keep fighting, and the rest of me just knows I cannot ever trust her again, so why bother.

I don't think talking to other DBT Ts is an option for me, since they are all in my Ts practice and so are her close colleagues and technically probably her employees. Their relationship with her is going to be a priority to them over anything having to do with me.

adding more just to say that I saw lauru's post saying that she can only allow herself to authentic in T, can only show the depression and anxiety there and nowhere else. Which is a horrible feeling, but I don't have even that much any more. My T will not meet me where I am, if I'm not where she wants me to be then she treats me harshly. I can't do it. I love her and I hate her. I want to die and I want to live to try to fix things with her. I am so. ****ing. angry.