It does put my mind a little at ease. I don't know why my mind goes there. From what she's said in the past she's never cheated on anyone before and she has never given me any reason to think other wise. At the end of the day I do trust her or else I wouldn't be with her. It's just frustrating when her phone doesn't work but it is something we have been dealing with since she moved. The more I think about it the more I realize most of this is being brought on by myself. I think part of what's going on is she just needs some time to herself and I'm not helping by being overly clingy. When she retreats it causes me to push harder sometimes, most of the times unintentionally. We still talk on the phone daily but we don't text as much. Unfortunately I seem to ride her ups and downs when I should be the steady rock that helps her through those tough times. I feel bad that the one person she can count on goes along for the ride.

Like I said last night I'm going to call the doctor today and look into some counseling. I want to help myself so I can be there for her when she needs me. I've lost a lot of people in my life so I really thing I have abandonment issues which makes me feel like I'm going to lose everyone that is close to me. I want to deal with my issues so I don't take the chance of losing the first girl in my life that I've cared about this much. It's definitely been the most difficult relationship I've ever been in but I'll say it's completely worth it! We just have to get through the bumps in the road.

Wish me luck!