I don't think I can be helped. I've been in therapy for 3 years. I understand the concepts and what I am supposed to do to help myself. It isn't working. I have a really nice relationship with a great therapist so it isn't him. All the skills he has given me, the tools, encouragement, being there always if I needed him, the insights I've had... I immersed myself in "the process". I did everything I could. I am still at square one. Actually... I started at a healthier level than where I am now. I've regressed to an embarassing state. I am completely alone. What little confidence I had is gone. It's embarassing to watch me order a coffee for crying out loud.
I don't expect anybody to know how to fix me. I've tried just accepting everything... it's depressing to accept I can't socialize, make friends, find a partner.. I'm simply less socially skilled than other people. This is true. Trying to kid myself into believing otherwise... reality will always smack me back. I'm also not smart. Accepting doesn't take any anxiety away. It might for a moment, but the second I am called out for being inept-- I can't accept it.
I guess I was naive having never been to therapy before. I had this fantasy that there was some way of thinking or that talking about everything would somehow change me and allow me to be who I want to be. I questioned what the "process" was several times. I was told to "have faith in the process". I'm starting to think there is no process. Or maybe I'm not the type who can be helped by anyone or anything. I was so afraid that might happen when I made the decision to go ahead and open up. Now I'm broken in a way that has taken all hope.
Does anybody else feel like therapy has made them worse? If therapy has helped can you explain why? Was anybody else difficult to help, but managed to have a breakthrough? And being real. Not saying therapy has helped because this bizarre "relationship" with our therapists makes, well, at least makes ME feel like protecting him. Like playing the role of "yes, you helped me! Thank you! You are wonderful!". I would do that. Pretend to make my Therapist feel good. I've even written before on other sites about how great he is and how much he's helped me. Weird, huh.
I'm considering quitting. That will be hard because he is the only person I am attached to.. I can't imagine not seeing him... but I am failing him. I need to pretend and let him off the hook.
I'm grateful for any response.