Holy crap! He figured it out! My bf always seems jealous of good things that happen to me. And I know he is really happy for me but I can tell there is some resentment for him not being able to finish his thesis, not liking his job etc....

So last night he like had a breakthrough. He started telling me about how his dad would go back and completely edit his papers or projects and wouldn't really let him do his own school work. How he would get told by his dad that his grades weren't good enough and all this other stuff. He finally figured out that he just doesn't think he is ever good enough and that those feelings (when he doesn't talk about them) eventually turn into him blowing up over silly things. And it goes back to when his T told him that he says all these things to me (name calling, mocking etc...) is because he is too afraid to say those things to himself.

We talked for a long time about how these things he can't control. He can't force people to give him a job. He can't force his adviser to be better about getting revisions back on his thesis. He just can't control these things that he feels make him inadequate. I feel like him now is a mirror image of me 5 years ago because I used to feel so resentful that my ex's parents were still married, that they had money, that he got his college paid for etc... but those were all things out of my control and things I had to learn to be okay with.

He started talking about it again this morning and I know it hurts to say to yourself "I don't like myself" but that needs to be done to start change. I think those feelings of inadequacy are what makes him do things like get pissed at video games when he messes up, or get mad when he can't do something right off the bat. And I finally heard him say last night "I guess I just feel like nothing I ever do is good enough" which I think hits the nail right on the head.

I know its a long road to really be okay in your own skin but I think this may be his 'start'. Hopefully.