That's why i hate trauma processing. I can't calm myself down when i get overwhelmed and it feels like the emotions are menacing and have the power to kill me.

If i get too overwhelmed and sort of "lose it," then afterward i feel like i've come through a war.

Then i think i end up feeling mad at my t for (the way the child part of me interprets it) for wanting me to talk about the traumas -- and making me feel all that pain all over again -- and not rescuing me or taking it away but just letting me suffer . .like my parents did.

I know that is not what my t intends. She wants me to talk "through" the trauma and be able to accept my pain and soothe myself, thereby coming to some sort of acceptance about it so i don't carry it around all my life and keep reacting to triggers in the present. But i can't do it! I get stuck at the point where the pain/emotions become too strong to bear. I get stuck in the pain and then feel retraumatized, exhausted, angry, and then want to quit.