I have a terrible time eating when I am anxious. When I was in college & before finals, I would end up eating a bag of M&M's, or a whole batch of brownies.....& end up loosing weight.....as soon as that anxiety was over, eating was the last thing I was interested in doing....like I needed the energy to get through.

However, the more serious levels of anxiety I have later in my life experienced have since ended up causing me to not eat at all....the sick feeling I get when I eat when I am going through horrible anxiety keeps me from even wanting to eat. I have ended up loosing so much weight during those times that I end up in the hospital with IV nutrition.....& have actually been Dx'ed with anorexia because of the massive weight loss I have experienced several times with several different anxiety situations.

The first situation was loosing my career after 15 years of being a firmware design engineer in the aerospace industry....& the second time was 6 years ago when I joined here & went through the trauma with the home care person when my mother was dying of cancer (long involved situation)....ended up fearing for my own life not knowing what the home care person was really up to.

After the first situation, I went to an eating disorders treatment center for 6 weeks...only problem was they didn't help me with any of the stress & just focused on "body image".....My not eating had NOTHING to do with "body image".....so that was a complete WASTE of time.

The next time, after the horrible trauma, the Pdoc I was then seeing said I needed to go to an eating disorders treatment center....I called several & expressed what I had gone through & the weight issues I was having....they said they had no way of helping with anorexia caused from trauma situations. I was in the middle of finding no one who could help me with anything I was going through.......it was definitely a very helpless feeling I remember having. I was just ready to throw in the towel....I ended up surviving.....took several years to get through the weight loss & start to gain a bit to even be at a safe weight & I can honestly say it was NO THANKS to the psychologists or Pdocs or even the medical Dr's involved......because I sure didn't get any help from those who were paid to help.......I can honestly say that it had to be God as there was no other help that existed & it wasn't my will to survive at that point.

I am so happy that I did get through that & was finally well enough to leave my husband & start my new life moving across the country where I didn't know anyone......it was stressful in a way, but nothing like the stress & anxiety that I had gone through in the past. I still have times when I get the anxiety level where I don't feel like eating, but life has settled down so well & feeling so calm......& have also grown in my Christian beliefs.....which really helps me deal with life around me.

I'm being very aware of how I am feeling before the not eating gets bad because I am responsible for my 6 dogs & if I were to get into the state that I was previously in, I wouldn't be able to care for myself nor my dogs....not a good place to end up in.....to really aware of at least having something easy like cereal to eat when I'm not feeling like eating.....anything mild is easier to eat. Friends are always inviting me to dinner or going out after we get together.....life is so much better than it was when I was really having the anxiety & not eating problems....& feeling better about life even when there is a little anxiety, I am able to handle it better than when I wouldn't end up eating at all.

Now I just have to make sure I don't eat too much & gain too much weight.....usually with exercise & riding horses, it helped keep me healthy, but after fracturing my back in March, my activity level isn't possible to be very much right now...& when I overdo, I end up in bed for a day.....trying to make it feel better.....then slowly get back into doing activities again.....too easy to gain weight when not able to be active even when not eating much......there just doesn't seem to be a good balance at times.......

But I sure never want the level of anxiety/trauma that caused me to have the massive weight loss ever again