I keep thinking the worse and this always ends up making me feel bad. So....on the suggestions of some good friends here, I'm going to challenge my thinking.

Thought 1:
"I don't think he will ever write back to me, not even for admin stuff"

In the past he has written back to me regarding admin things, even after my "blowups".

Thought 2:
"I think I've really screwed things up with admin guy."

I've thought this thought before, and I've done the things I've done this past week before and admin guy has ever held these things against me. In fact, admin guy even write me a message saying that he "doesn't not like me".

Thought 3
See above explanation

As for why admin guy won't send me a reply??

There can be many reasons and him not liking me is not one of them (as evidenced by the messaged he wrote to me).

.1 Admin guy is a very busy guy. He probably hasn't had time to read my e-mails yet.

2. Most of my e-mails were not admin related and admin guy only handles administrative issues. Admin guy cannot make friends with us posters. Admin guy can't respond to my e-mails if they are not admin related.

3. Admin guys has been having e-mail troubles.

Now, as for why in the heck getting Admin guy's attention is so important to me...

I think I see things in admin guy that aren't there because of his lack of interaction with us posters. I tend to project my feelings often. I need to realize that any relationship I have with admin guy is only in my mind. The real admin guy is probably not at all the admin guy I have in my mind. Admin guy has been extraordinary tolerant of me and my unusual behaviours, but he must be reaching his breaking point, so I really should stop bothering admin guy with non administrative issues.

Another though:
Admin guy is going to have me arrested for cyberstalking

Admin guy has never given me any evidence that he thinks my e-mails are harassing him. Admin guy is still willing to meet me IRL so he must not be afraid of me. The e-mails I've sent do not threaten admin guy in any way. I've send e-mails to admin guy in the past and he did not have the police arrest me.

That being said...I really should stop sending threats of self harm to admin guy. Admin guy probably doesn't know what to do with those e-mails. They probably upset admin guy. If admin guy thinks I'm actually going to carry out my threats, there is a good chance that admin guy will send the police after me.