Troy - I completely understand how hard it is to make your heart believe what your head already knows. Logic seems to go completely out the window when the feelings are so real and overwhelming. Could you write a letter to the doctor letting her know how much she helped you in those two sessions for your benefit? It might help to process the grief. Let the thoughts and feelings you were going to express to her out so you don't have to carry them with you.

I understand a lot about shame and guilt and responsibility - not from combat, but from other trauma. It is a hard thing to overcome. Guilt and self-blame thrive in secrecy, start to eat you alive from the inside out. Exposing the feelings and recognizing that you are not responsible is a hard, but necessary step. And believe me, I know it is easier said than done.

My heart is breaking for you! Thank you for serving our country! You deserve a chance to heal from this. While I might not have all the answers, I have two ears to listen and two shoulders to lean on. I will keep you in my thoughts!