"I wonder if she thought it would be nurturing in some way for your little to imagine the therapist as her mother figure who will nurture and nurse her in the intimate way a mother does when breastfeeding her child."

That is exactly what she was trying to do. She was, I think, trying to do Object Relations Therapy which relies a lot on transference that we did not have. She was trying to get me/the little one to see her as mom. But she is/was NOT our mom and we didn't want her to be. But that was the kind of therapist that had helped her and it was one of the prominent styles of therapy in the school she went to. She is semi retired now and not directly working with clients any more (note to Ts... learn to use the privacy settings if you are going to have a facebook page). As for the school... well IMO they still suck! But the styles of therapy that they teach are considered valid forms of therapy. They just don't work for me and I ethically do not agree with them. I think there are roads to healing with far less pain.

Anyway old T was trying to get me to see her as mom so that I could work through all the issues I had with my mom by projecting them onto her. Problem is that I never had a problem telling my mom all the things she did wrong (you can ask, she will verify) and then going out and getting my needs met somewhere else.

Massage T has a ton of experience with abuse survivors. Massage T does not force the little one to come out like old T did. She is not touching me in any way that is bringing this up or making it worse. She is actually more concerned about where she is touching me than I am and always asks permission. It is just that old T and massage T are the only people to ever see/work with this little and show her any kind of love/compassion. As soon as the little starts to relax like she did in the hypnosis she panics. So it is actually the feeling of relaxation that is the trigger (insert growling emoticon here). So massage T is letting the little one come in and out as she feels safe.

To me what happened feels like the R word even though it was intended to help. I would not have knowingly given my consent for that. She said she wanted to try hypnosis to help get past the fear and help me to relax a bit. And it did... until the nursing part.

After that session things went to heck in a hand basket. Old T had not succeeded in creating the transference she wanted. Eventually she called me non-complaint and pulled away any/all support she had been offering cold turkey. For the next several months I sat in the corner in the fetal position and cried. I tried to call another T I knew (had taken a class from her) to see if she would take me on as a client. I needed someone I already trusted because I was SO hurt. She is very warm and nurturing but much more appropriate. She wouldn't see me though because old T told her I was running away from the work of therapy. Just to make things complicated, the T I wanted to see works with current T. All the Ts talk around here... so... current T is misinformed about what happened by a seemingly reliable source. So talking to current T about it is out of the question. Blah!

Part of me wants to tell massage T but part of me thinks it is the little ones story to tell.

I appreciate every ones support. Getting it out there somewhere was difficult but really important... at least I don't feel like I am going to explode keeping it in.