Hey Omers,

I just wanted to clarify that even though I said why I thought your old T may have done what she did I still thin she was completely wrong in doing it. I think its very, very understandable that you feel the "R word" against what was done to you because it was definately an abusive incident, forced upon you. Also transference doesn't need to be done in such an invasive way at all, in fact I have never heard of anyone really doing what she did before. I am guessing she comes from the school of psycoanaylisis/psychodynamic therapy?

The fact that you did not naturally see her in a mother type role, means that it wasn't your transference but she was trying to force that onto you. If an adult forced a young child to nurse from them this would be seen as abusive and although she didn't physically do this to your little, she still emotionally and mentally abused the situation and for that i think you have every right to feel the way you do and I am so, so sorry you had to go through this. I am just so glad you have found your massage therapist who you seem to have a great relationship with.

I am not sure what to suggest about relaxation triggering you, perhaps if you practice relaxing when your on your own in gentle ways will help you get used to it in a safer way?

*huge safe hugs for you*