No there's nothing wrong with performing just for your husbands benefit but you're missing out on natural enjoyment/bonding with your husband. You mentioned you're always trying to get away from your sexual part and something occurred to me - I hope I can explain this well. As we all know intimacy has different levels, there's:

1. Just sex, which serves a bodily function - which might be casual sex, friends with benefits sex and the sex your husband has with you. Notice I say 'He' because you're not fully present and willing.
2. making 'love' sex - is when you share a deep love for your partner and you willingly share your body...enjoying your partner's body. There's a deep soul connection. This is the purest form of sex IMO
3. sex through molestation/violence - we all know what this kind of sex involves and there's no connection whatsoever. If anything there's extreme disconnection.

Ideally you want to be at number 2 and this will shift you away from the 'shame based sex' that you hate so much. Your father took sex from you and due to your dysfunction, your husband has to basically take sex from you too. If you get to where you're both 'making love' it won't be like the nasty duty sex, that you dislike so much. The closer you get to 'making love' the further away you get from the raw sex which offends you.