Hi folks,

I have been reminding myself recently that the world is not a support forum.

We often get kicked around in the world, maybe because that's just how it is, and there is no responsibility upon other's to help us out if they don't want to. Why should there be?

Yet, I am still being amazed by the number of people who are stuck in the world, and yet too proud to seek help in any formal way, even anonymously on the net. I was recently approached by an acquaintance who wanted to talk about relationship difficulties, and over a period this developed into regular weekly meetings.

Suddenly I realised that my acquaintance was using the meetings to unburden himself, but not wanting to listening to anything much I was saying. I also noticed that he stayed with me, in a bar or a coffee shop, for about an hour and then he pushed off.

I'm not the brightest cookie in the jar, but I started to realise that weekly meetings, of about an hour, talking solely about problems is beginning to sound like - Counselling!

Yes, I had done it again, and fallen into a pattern of support. A couple of weeks ago he uttered the fateful words ' I'm afraid of being alone; I only have xxxx (his girfriend) and you'.
I asked myself the question, 'In what sense does he have me?' Well, I couldn't answer. We are not long term friends,
just a couple of people who met up in a writer's group a while ago. How had the relationship become set so quickly? Obviously I had been giving out the vibes again.

This time, I made some excuses about being busy, cooled it a bit with him, and suggested some writing groups that he might like to go along to. He was a little disappointed, but I was relieved. I didn't suggest that he try some real counselling, as I could sense his pride and prickliness about this and I didn't want to go any deeper in that area.

In my experience, relationships which get into dependency so quickly are almost always doomed to fail. My (few) good long term friendships follow the Aristotelian pattern of equality and self reliance, with no emotional pressures.

Yet, I am constantly meeting people who seem to have lost their way pretty badly.

I guess my questions are - What is it that holds people back from getting some proper help when things get rough emotionally? Is it shame that they are not coping? It seems so desperate to try to hit on an acquaintance to carry the load, and yet I see it happening all the time.

I'll bet that if I had told my acquaintance that I was a professional therapist and offered him some sessions he would have run a mile; and yet he still wanted to give me his stuff informally. It beats me. What is that about?

Cheers, M-puzzled

PS - More relevant to me - why am I still in this pattern?

PPS - Rereading my post it sounds a bit selfish. I didn't mean it like that.