I posted on another thread and after this, I feel even more like this is the same and the opposite.

I am going to guess here, but when you were "being mean" to her, did things just pop out of your mouth and then you realize a couple minutes later that what you said was totally the wrong thing to say and that you just messed up?...AGAIN...

I will be hurt by the fact that my husband hasn't had a face-to-face talk with me in a week, and I will start out by asking a question, but he is on his phone texting and I must then re-ask it and I'll get a yaa or something for an answer. Then I try to say something else and again he is distracted, so I try again, then I will ask if he could talk to me for a minute, and he'll say he is busy.... before I know what happened, I am telling him that he is cruel and that he neglects me and I can't understand why he won't share his life with me and on and on until I am in tears and he is angry and has now tuned me out and left the room, because I stress him out and he can't deal with it....

I am working on it, because I have realized that the problem is much more my perception of what is happening, rather than a reality of what is happening. I know that he is extremely frustrated with my problems, but I am too, and I need to stop being so hard on myself in order to change my behavior.

This used to happen several times a week, and I AM LEARNING and I am down to about once a week now. He has told me that he can see changes in me, but I am having a hard time, because I still feel that he has some depression as well, and I desperately want him to seek help for his issues so that we might begin to heal as a couple too.