Quote:
Originally Posted by Fresia
...Perhaps this thinking is skewed, but I have a constant debate over whether it is fair to bring someone into my life and into the roller coaster. I know everyone in life has their ups and downs, BP or not...<but w/ BP> and even with meds, it takes a lot to manage it. I know it should be their choice and mine whether to get involved, and that I need to give them a chance to decide for themselves. . I just don't want any misrepresentations...
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I can
so relate to this, Fresia. I've so very much debated the fairness of it to the other person. Even now. Strike that.
Especially now. I disclosed quite early on. Reasons: The relationship was progressing very quickly. At a point where I had to make admit a very big thing, I figured I'd just "confess" the BP as well to get the big things right out on the table. (I accepted his "stuff" reciprocally, so it did help the balance.) It was a very unusual situation we were in, and was going to take a giant leap of faith (especially on my part). It was only fair to tell him this and that I can be a
very difficult person to live with (I can be very charming and quick witted person, so had to be clear that any idealization would be VERY unwise). Because the other side of that coin is very very very different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jadedmoonbeam
.. So if the relationship started getting serious...Of the more serious relationships I had, nobody seemed to have an issue with it...when he had to deal with one of my episodes I think he may have wished he'd paid more attention when he realized it but he's very supportive now...
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Yup. When I did disclose, he was very accepting of it... knew people with (though living day in and day out is another matter entirely...), had problems himself with depression etc. Thing is, there is depression and there is depression. When someone has only had mild to moderate depression, seeing someone in severe depression can be very scary and confusing. Guess that's to say that he
thought he knew what he was getting into, but really didn't. And I have been MUCH worse (severely and massively long lasting)... he hasn't even seen that. He's supportive, but I do feel guilty.
Long and short, level of seriousness of the relationship is key. It can be a tricky point to discern. Fresia, it is good that you don't want any "misrepresentations". Think about it though. There is a certain level of "misrepresentation" in the beginning of
any relationship. Everyone makes the effort to put their best foot forward, you know? But as things move forward, people start to see more and more of the "whole" person, BP or no(!) So revelations come along on their own time schedule. Same with BP. Too early and you're right, it might scare someone off (as does an avalanche of TMI right off the bat - so it's sure not just BP that has the potential to do that!
) Anyone who knows you for awhile is likely to pick up on a least a bit of it. This may well spark a conversation. It may not surprise them as much as you might imagine. Meanwhile, they've come to know you as a person, not just a label, and would probably be more likely to want to educate themselves.
Just some thoughts anyway...