dear Granite, can you leave her a message that just says, I am not fine and I hate feeling this way, I don't understand.......It's OK to just say you're NOT fine, no reason to tell Ts the same polite (untrue) thing we might say to others who ask how we are. It's safe to be honest with Ts how we really feel, even if we can only say, I am not fine, I am scared.......
Or write it on a piece of paper for her.
It's OK to tell T your real feelings, it really is. I bet she can see whether you're fine or not really.......when I say I am fine, and I am not, my T calls me on it because she knows me well enough to know I am not, and I tell her, no I am not really fine. ANd if I don't know why, I just say I don't know why.....
big hugs to you!