So today I finally went to the doctors to sort out some of my problems. My mum suggested I go because I keep complaing about headaches and stomach aches and recently I'm just so tired I can barely stay awake sometimes. I getting ridiculous now. I know I can't keep going on like this but I'm still scared.

I mean I'm still not 100% on whats exactly wrong with me. I know depression can cause headaches and stuff but I just don't know if it's actually the reason for them. It could be anything. I guess I'm just blowing this completely out of proportion but I'm too confused. I can't help but think maybe I'm still over exagerating this and it's not as bad as I think. I'm scared I've got all these things wrong with me. I'm overthinking this too much and making everything worse.

Anyway so I got to the doctors and asked to make an appointment for tuesday but she said I couldn't and I had to call up. I freaked out at the point. I was meant to asking for a diferent day later on in the week or something but I couldn't so I said okay and just turned around and walked out. I hated myself so much for that. I feel like I'm never going to get help. I would call up but our phone is broken and thats the reason I went there in the first place. I don't know what to do now. :/

Even if I did go to the doctors and they did say I was depressed then what.. I don't know what I would do. I feel like I'm still denying it. Sometimes I just find it hard to believe that thats actually whats wrong with me. Then I can't even begin to imagine my mum and my family and friends reactions.. Ugh. Wish I could turn off my thoughts.