History of me:

I'm a male, about to turn 29 years old. I've always been in great shape (was an actor in musical theatre for a number of years). Lost my virginity when I was about 19 years old. After that relationship ended, I basically became pretty promiscuous. I joined up on AdultFriendFinder and really enjoyed meeting a few select people for some casual sex. Any relationships that I had throughout that time were short-lived and usually very physically based. There was only one real relationship that had any emotional attachment, but I ran from it the second that "the trail got cold". Parents divorced when I was 12 years old.

Now:

Up until about a year ago, my sex drive was off the chart. No disrespect to some of the women I've slept with, but I slept with them simply because they had wild sex drives. There was no actual physical/romantic attraction outside of that sexual need. As long as both the girl and I were willing, I was a happy camper.

Then I met my current girlfriend. She's treated me better than I've ever felt with anyone. I've been able to show more of myself than I have with anyone else. My geek side, my gamer side, even my insecure side. This girl really has wife potential. I've seen myself marrying her and building a family together. I still continue to see that through this current issue.

About 5 months into the relationship (one year ago), she got laid off from her job. There was a chance of her getting her job back, though. Two days after we found out, I lost my erection while we were getting physical. I was humiliated. I still remember what she said: "Are you not happy, baby?". I literally felt destroyed. I started having panic attacks the next morning, and fought them for at least a month beyond that.

We kept trying (though failures usually resulted in more anxiety). I would hit a good streak, then lose it again. Even in the past year, I've never fully been able to get over my fear of trying to be physical. As soon as I get an erection, my mind instantly goes to: "oh my god, have sex now before I lose it!". I used to love going down on her. I used to love taking my time. Now I'm just scared and worried. When we get into the mindset of "let's try again this weekend", I start freaking out even more. The pressure makes my heart start to race, my palms sweat, etc. We can start, and I'll get aroused. Then I think about being aroused, but then I start to lose it. The thought of losing my erection makes me really upset and just awful inside. She's obviously disappointed, but not mad or anything at me. I know that she wants it back the way it was. I do, too! When we do manage to have sex, it feels amazing, and I totally forget about everything. Immediately after, she mentions that she can't wait to do it again. At the time, I feel the same way, but after the euphoria wears off, I start to worry again.

I know I'm attracted to her. When we get into the shower together, seeing her body, I start to get hard. However, it's like I feel the need to suppress it because I don't want to get started and not be able to finish. It's like I've gotten into the habit of hiding it so I won't have to deal with the potential frustration and sadness if I lose it. My sex drive has taken a major dive because of it.

I do have sexual dreams, sometimes of her, sometimes of other random women I don't know. I can masturbate to porn just fine, but there's that little feeling of guilt. I want all that energy to be towards her. I want this fixed. I want to try making watching a porn with her, but I'm afraid she'll interpret as she's "not enough for me." Normally, I like very heated and energetic sex. I know sex for men is almost all physical and for women emotional and mental. I feel like I'm totally in my head about it.

I don't want to go back to the wild days. Sex was good and it was exciting, but it wasn't fulfilling. None of them would I ever see myself with long term. My girlfriend is awesome. I want to channel all that energy I used to have into her. I don't know if I'm nervous or feeling guilt or what.

No medication or physical issues (got checked right after it originally happened).

Men: Is it possible to completely rid yourself of this? There are times when I'm optomistic, but other times when I feel like I'll have that little "thing" in the back of my head for the rest of my life. =(

Women: Would you be offended if your man with this issue suggested things like a movie or exotic literature? What sort of things do you suggest I incorporate? I know that my mind has to be on her and the act, but it's just so hard to not think about what it feels like when I fail. I don't want her to think that it's her. I know it's all me.

Any and all advice is welcome. I obviously over-think things, and would love any input that can help!!