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I have a Pdoc and no therapist. I cannot afford to pay much and my insurance has limited me to those that accept Medicare and Medicaid. I cannot afford to pay the 20% medicare does not cover thus I have no therapist. Then as if that were not enough of a hurdle I am my Mom's only care taker...24/7. She refuses some of the help available...physical therapy, etc...unless I am home too. The world has become a very scary place and not being as physically able does not help. So the different agencies for the aging have not treated mom with respect. They change people at the drop of a hat, do not keep time, and the agencies have kept mom waiting all day with no phone call only to show up the next day and expect to be allowed entry into our home. So I am not receiving much help. I feel overly stressed and Friday my Pdoc said I did not confide in her much.
This news broke my heart. I have not gone into detail about past stuff because she has reminded me several times she is not equipped to help....just that she is willing to listen. We tell her what is going on and fears and still we manage to always put her to sleep. Hurt by this, we have been trying to plan what to talk about so as not to bore her. This has not worked. What are we doing wrong? How can we open up? Pdoc is not skilled in helping us talk. How can we help ourselves talk? Or ....
Not a complete failure, did learn to drive, did complete art school. Yet when Pdoc said I did not confide in her much, we heard: we were not as important to her as Pdoc is to us; we were connected to her but she was not connected to us; Pdoc did not know us; we were not willing to confide in her; we were not trying to confide in her; Somehow we were not trying hard enough;
So hurt by this comment and the loss of my Aunt.
I feel so very alone. My efforts always fall short of the mark. Not a good enough housekeeper. Not a great cook. Not a great caretaker but ...
I am good at feeling sorry for myself and quitting. The few people I felt connected to I now think, is just an illusion. I am not connected to anyone.
I do not plan on exiting or anything like that. I am just so very lost as to what to do. How do I make progress and move forward without any outside help? Is it my fault that I am unable to get out of the mess alone? Am I a weak person? Will I ever be able to connect to another person? Should I read a certain book for help? Am I wrong to ask for help here? Where should I ask for help?
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