Thank you, both of you, for caring enough to reply. We were married for 8 1/2 years. I have not been to see a grief counselor yet. I guess I'm not sure they'd be able to help. I feel I need to refill the huge, empty hole in my life that he left when he died. I still just can't believe he actually did die. He was diagnosed in 2008, so I guess it got to where it seemed he'd never actually die, but that the doctors would keep finding new things to try for him. So it was such a shock in November when his doctor called my cell phone and told me there was nothing else they could do for him and that he recommended hospice. It was just one in a long series of shocks you get when you find out someone you love has cancer.