Lynn and jadedmoonbeam - thanks, I understand what you're saying. It's not like we are having sex, it's like he is having sex with my body. I just can't imagine sex being what others describe - something beautiful, enjoyable, and something that brings a relationship closer together. I know that I need to re-evaluate my thoughts on that, it just seems so foreign. That's what my T keeps trying to make me see. I'm so far on the other end of the spectrum from the majority that I think it will be a long time before my thought process begins to shift. First, I have to decide that it's something I really want to do. I haven't made that decision yet I guess.
Omers - Thank you. I have that book and read it several years ago. Maybe I wasn't ready to face the whole sex thing yet, too many other unresolved issues. And my husband didn't feel comfortable doing the trust exercises, he thought it was a waste of time . At that time, I think it did more harm than good and reinforced some already deeply held beliefs inside me. We are both in a different place right now so maybe it would be a good time to bring out the book again and see what happens?

Still on the fence about the whole "way I dress" thing, maybe I can wear clothes that fit better at home, not in public and see if it is too uncomfortable?