Have you explained to her that you really didn't understand what was going on with her and didn't know how to behave? Let her know that you have now been educated on what she was going through and have learned more appropriate responses. From my point of view, when my husband does something hurtful and then later apologizes, I need to see that his apology is not just empty words and wait for the behavior to change to feel safe/comfortable again. Have you asked her for an opportunity to "prove" that you are making changes and would like her to consider testing the waters so to speak before she gives up on the relationship?

Another thought I had was to print this post for her. Sometimes it's easier to express yourself in writing than face to face.

IMO, she owns some of the responsibility in this also for not seeking help. That's not to excuse any inappropriate actions on your part, but maybe a share the blame sort of thing of why you reached this point in your marriage. It does take two and both of you made mistakes from what I see.

What did you do when you were dating/first married? Could you try some of those things again to find what you once had? Where did you propose to her, have you thought about a second proposal as a sign of a new beginning and willingness to change?

Just some thoughts....