I feel as though it's easier just to not talk to me for her. I feel ignored sometimes and then get paranoid that we are falling apart again. Today is one of those days. She is packing for a field trip with her class and I wake up and see all of her stuff packed up and get triggered. I start accusing her of using the trip as an excuse to leave and not come back. Of course she gets furious at me. I then try to talk about it but lack the words to really express my concerns.

I feel like I'm just pushing her farther and farther away, although it is not my attentions. I have become depressed and paranoid that I will be left again. I am truly working on myself but have been slipping up a bit. She sees this as a sign that I cannot truly change. Honestly I don't blame her. I maybe coming on to strong when I should be giving her some space.

I also notice that she keeps her cell phone on her body at all times. She says there is nothing to hide, but I think she is hiding communication from her guy friend from me. Of course, this is really making me anxious and come on even stronger with the accusations.

I feel as though I'm fighting a losing battle. Especially today.