Oooh, sounds like good transference stuff to talk to your T about!

I had the thought (going at it like I would one of my dreams) that any "touch" by T would feel good and sounds like you mostly had the threat (but never realized) negative spanking touch from your parents? I do remember when my stepmother spanked me once, when we had only been together less than a year, and then held me, both of us crying, as she apologized (and explained how it hurt her more than it did me :-) and I remember that because the holding we did was "genuine" and very rare on her part later. I could see if I had gotten that and the spanking merged?

Every night before I go to bed, I have my husband give me a pat on the bottom; I don't know what that is but you know how you might pat a baby on the bottom when they're in their thick diapers/pants? I find my husband's gentle pat very comforting and reassuring/loving. However, I also saw my father pat my stepmother on the bottom that way when I was young, as he would be passing her in the kitchen or before kissing her or something. Just a friendly pat like what my husband gives me. I knew, very deeply, that my father and stepmother loved one another.