Hi CSC - I can really relate to what you are saying. I have always viewed sex as a bit of a "tool" that does strange things to men and have never had what I would describe as a healthy attitude to it. It was never good in my marriage and I am kinda glad that my marriage is over so I don't have to face it. I am contemplating having new relationships and they get so far before I bail out as I just don't want to have to face sex again.

However I can see if you are in a relationship with someone who you love, that there are some real benefits to exploring how you are during intimate moments and not have to switch off and grin and bear it. How much nicer for both of you to actually want to "make love".

Like you I wear baggy clothes, would never show even a hint of cleavage and 99% of the time wear trousers. There are many religions who dress this way, so I don't think that it is wrong to want to dress this way. But maybe it is useful to explore why you prefer to dress this way so at least you are doing it consciously.

I don't know how helpful is is to share, but I cannot at all get my head round sex being equated with love - I know this is my distortions, but under the barriers I have to it, there is also a part of me that would love to have a "loving sexual" relationship. It's judt hard to imagine myself being different.

I think you are amazing to be able to start to explore this with your T. I really hope you are able to work through things and get to a place that is comfortable for you to be in.