Thanks so much for your replies. I'll read up on BPD too.
She does go to a psych but that is pretty much just for the anti-D meds. She has mentioned MC and therapy but I doubt that she will go on her own without my insistence. When it is something I insist on it becomes a point of control and resentment. I'm really tired of this and my heart is broken. Don't want to go through all the "affair-issues" again. Sure I am depressed about it all at the moment too.
I will also look into individual therapy for myself in the meantime.

Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated.
Thanks!