Welcome to PC ready2improve - sexual performance anxiety is a very common problem and most men have experienced this at least once or twice. You're used to performing well and place a great deal of importance on your sexuality. Most men place a lot of value on their sexuality but I think for you it was more intense. Sex is very important and you took a great deal of pride in performance. So it's understandable that you losing an erection would seem monumental - you really took it seriously and became worried.

Lets talk about what happens when a man gets anxiety related sexual problems - when you're feeling anxiety, the body produces 'adrenaline' - this causes a reduction of blood flow to the penis and results in you losing the erection. You became devastated when it happened which then sent the anxiety ball rolling for the next sexual encounter. Now every time you want to have sex with your partner, you automatically start worrying about whether you'll lose it again - this makes you unable to get an erection. It's all related to anxiety and learning to relax is the key goal.

From a woman's viewpoint - if she's nice, she'll be supportive. You can reassure her it's not her and she can tell you it okay and not a big deal. If you would have just shrugged off the first time it happened, you could have avoided this anxiety circle you're in now. Even if you lose the erection - you should continue pleasuring your GF other ways. There's also nothing wrong with stopping and doing other foreplay and if you get erect again...then you can start again.

Some sex therapists will advise not focusing on intercourse for a couple weeks but still do other activities of forplay. The goal is to take the pressure off of you and focus on the pleasure of other activities and being close. The purpose is to realize it's not all just about intercourse/orgasm. During these activities you can be perfectly relaxed and not worry about whether you're going to be erect.

If you think back to when you were fine - you didn't have to think about the erection - it just happened. Masturbation is normal and healthy, but the research I did, recommends not doing it for a couple weeks since it can affect sexual performance. In addition some men can become 'desensitized' from watching porn, where they no longer get stimulated from their partner, so be careful with this. WHen you're masturbating you completely relaxed and enthralled in the fantasy. You want to concentrate on getting in the same zone like place with your GF

If you can't handle this on your own, then ask your doctor what anxiety med would be good for this problem. I don't think you need one of the sexual enhancing meds. There's also an herb called Maca and it's supposedly good for this problem, but buy it from a reputable vitamin store. You can also look up 'mens kegal exercises' and start doing these several times a day - they can be done anywhere.

Speak with your GF and for 2 weeks don't engage in intercourse at all but make a point of being intimate in every other way. When you do decide to go ahead, don't worry about it. If you lose it, move on to the foreplay and use the stop and go method I mentioned before. Most men don't realize that porn can have this desensitizing affect sometimes. I hope it improves for you and try not to worry -the more you worry the worse it gets.

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