'Yet I am still deeply in love with him and it hurts so badly I cry when nobody is looking.'

Hi Binkle! That course of therapy sounds truly disastrous. I too suffer/have suffered from 'limerance'. It began with what I thought were crushes at age 10, but at age 21 almost destroyed me. I have spent over a decade recovering from the trauma of that particular one, as well as all the side effects of the meds (for depression etc) and other related fall outs.

The therapist i began to consult at that time also refused to discuss OOO (the Object Of my Obsession). I assume she thought that addressing it directly would only strengthen my fixation. (The OOO was what I had come to see her about, not her). I dont know whether or not her approach was right.

After 5 years I did not feel as though I had made a great deal of progress. Also, it seemed like too many sessions were difficult, in terms of friction between us. I terminated it as I didnt want to see her anymore. Unfortunately I still wasn't well, and was in hospital a few months later. I had seen a couple of therapists in the interim, but no-one that I worked well with.

Finally, I saw a cognitive therapist who was highly recommended. At first there were no 'feelings' but as he fitted the profile of my OOOs the possibility was there from the beginning. My therapy started with the theme of my tendency towards limerance and my fear of his becoming another OOO. I also expressed the hope that if this did happen we would be able to use the experience to understand and break the pattern. (I kind of muddled through these thoughts, not making them so clear as I have now).

He reassured me saying that if I became obsessed with him we would work through it, and if I became obsessed with a canary in a pet shop we would work through that too! The important thing is that he was mature enough to help me through it. He did not reject me, which is what I was terrified of. And, 2 years later, though I still need to see him, I am much much better and also in an appropriate relationship with someone wonderful, my own age.

Sorry about the loooong response but I hope that this story provides some consolation: through all the damage and incalculable pain, I think it is possible to reach the other side, so hang in there