I'm navigating new territory, and not sure how to proceed. The month of April was a particularly dark time. Stress accompanied a weird empty numbness that was somewhere between the lands of hypomania and depression. My thoughts became darker and grew from "everyone would be better without me screwing it all up" to an actual, viable suicide plan and increasingly dangerous self-injury. My therapist decided to intervene, and my plan was interrupted by my first ever stay in the hospital psych ward.

Now- out of the hospital and a couple weeks back into "real life", I'm trying to figure out how to exist. It's currently a day-by-day operation, attempting to keep up with a growing mound of stress that is snowballing from missing a week of life while being admitted. I was fully prepared to die, and now, with new medication and after loving support from my friends, that isn't an option. But everything isn't magically better, either. And day-at-a-time-just-merely-surviving isn't a fantastic long-term plan, either.

How do you return to enjoying and living life after you've already checked out? Is there any "going back" or are you forever changed? What happens next?