Your not a a idiot!!! Its a addiction, your addicted. SIing is something easy to be addicted too. I use to burn my arm and I burned in the same areas all the time. I have not cut for one in a half years. You can stop too but it takes time. I didn't just one day say I'm going to quit. I hope on day you will be able to put down the blade and stop hurting yourself but don't ever think your a idiot. I wish you the best of luck.