I'm not sure I agree about being with his wife being the best thing for him if she cheats on him and is emotionally manipulative of him, as you indicated in your original post. The reality is that she has a no holds barred approach to that relationship, and it's likely she is as equally manipulative with her other relationships, including her children. I definitely feel growing up in a household like that, and learning from your parents that manipulation and lying is a normal part of a marriage is not a good thing for his children. However, the real issue here isn't about him, it's about YOU.

You came here looking for help. You are suffering, and you need to make the decisions now that will keep you safe and healthy. This battle between him and his wife is not yours. The emotional uncertainty he faces is not yours. You owe it to yourself to be honest about what you need out of a healthy, loving relationship, and you need to open yourself up to the idea that you're not going to get that from a man who is still in love with his wife. For whatever reason and based on whatever untruths she may have presented, he is still in love with her, or he would not be unsure of his actions. If you are willing to wait for him to make a decision, that is your prerogative, you should not keep yourself inside that situation, as your presence there is interfering with his ability to make a sound decision based on what is right for him and his children. It stands to reason that if you remove yourself from this triangle, he will be able to focus his energy on making the right decision for him and his children - and you never know, it may even lift the wife's need to fight to have him around. In either case, a loving gesture on your part (loving of yourself and him), would be to remove yourself from the mayhem and offer him the focus he needs to move forward.

I know it will not be easy for you, but like I've said here before, quite often doing the right thing means making the hard decisions. In time, you will be stronger for having done what is right for you and everyone else involved, and that will be empowering and rewarding in its own right, and it likely will prepare you better for future relationships, either with this man or someone new. Love yourself, be the best version of YOU that you can be, and you will be giving a great gift to those in your life. I wish you good luck and a strong heart