jbmomg: I don't get it either, but I think it has to do with intensity/excitement/sex, not about wanting to be hurt.

On the other hand, it's also about feeling "bad" about myself for acting selfishly and wrongly. Some of my behavior with Ts borders on stalking, like when I used to watch a T through her window. I'm not so happy about needing to go past my current T's house, either. I'm bad for not being able to control myself.

I'm also bad for some other stuff I do.
I just wish my T would punish me or hold me. I know I'm awfully confused. I don't see her until Wednesday and I miss her a lot this week. The EMDR session last week stirred up a lot of yukky feelings.