Hi, thanks for reading this and your advice is appreciated. My husband and I have been married for about 12 years. We have 4 children, all 10 and under. Our life has been hectic from day one & still is. I have used that as an excuse for both myself & my husband to have a not so good marriage. We got married when my husbands dad was diagnosed with cancer & had kids a year and a half later...He took over the farm, which his family hasn't made easy, and medical bills have put a real strain on things. For 8 years I worked during the day and he worked an evening shift so we didn't have daycare, I thought most of our problems were from these things. About 5 years ago when we had fought, my husband threatened to commist suicide-wow did that put me back a ways, he has done this occassionally (every 6-9 months or so since). He will say that I push him to that point...from what he will tell me is it could all be fixed if I was a more sexually aggressive person. I have always been very basic in that regards, possibly due to the fact that an elder at church inappropriately touched me around 4th grade & then as a freshman I was date raped by my first boyfriend-so yes, I'm a prune & always have been. However when I do begin to open up, something happens, whether it's that he complains that there wasn't enough forplay, he thinks I should have started things, to boring, he didn't think it lasted long enough, whatever it is...Then the walls go up!!! I have told him if he threatens to commit suicide again, the kids and I are gone...he said if I didn't want him to do it by shooting himself, he'd just eat nothing but fried food from now on-for the past 3 years he has had symptoms of heart disease, which make him uncomfortable at times. I'm just really at a loss...I'm putting up walls and don't know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to just leave, but financially I'm not in good position to do that. A year ago he mentioned counseling, but financially we couldn't do it, I mentioned it now & he said since I didn't do it before and make it work, then he's not doing it now. Do I just go to see if I'm the crazy one? I don't know what to do. Thanks for your help and advice!