Don't feel guilty. You are not alone. Lots of people have toxic mothers that they really shouldn't spend too much time with, honestly. It sounds like you live with her so this might be very difficult. Get out if you can.

I can't stand being around my mother. Although she is nice to other people she seems to be unable to stop herself from belittling me when we meet. I think the right solution is to see her rarely and only at family events when other people are around. She still says toxic things but they are probably not nearly as bad as what she would say if we were alone. It hurts most that I don't see my father more often and then when I do see him she turns up and spoils this time.

However, I think I just have to swallow her behavior. The mature thing to do is probably just to minimize the number of times per year I see her. I feel awful for a day or so after seeing her but then I cheer up. I just have to spend some more time with friends and not brood over it. Tons of people have toxic mothers. I do my social duty on family occasions and no-one requires more, right?