Same here man. Same here... It definitely sucks. Really the only thing keeping me going is this forum and listening to music. I have tried tons of sh#t to get better over the course of years and I know how tough it is to feel good for some people.

I can definitely empathize with what you're going through. Have you tried anything to get better besides therapy? Do you have anyone that you can talk to about what you're going through (i.e. some family)?

I would make some recommendations for you to try, but it sounds like you have a lot of stress built up and just want to vent at this point. That's where we differ. I force myself to workout hard at least once a week and my stress level is pretty low even though I'm totally depressed and feel like ending my life. I can think clear, write clear, and can focus if I need to, but just really don't want to be here. I have anxiety in social situations, but am not keyed up all the time with insomnia and rapid-uncontrolled thinking.

My thoughts on your situation:

Right now it seems like you are focusing on things you don't want like: never getting a job, won't get rid of facial hair, lose weight, have energy, eat healthy, get a female, live how you used to, have light pollution, etc. Instead of focusing on what you don't want, why not shift that focus to something that you do want?

It sounds to me like if you: had a job, set a goal of losing a few pounds (and continuing to work towards losing weight), started eating healthy, moved to a place without light pollution, made a few new friends, and got with a girl you would be happy... which would maybe lead to more energy. I know it's not easy, but if you have the energy in you to get upset, you can maybe try re-channeling that energy slowly towards one or two things you actually do want. Simply setting one goal for improving your situation to get what you want may make you feel better and get you some momentum in the right direction.

Since I don't fully know your situation, it's tough for me to know what may be contributing to your depression. With that said, you always do have the power to make a conscious choice to move in the direction that you want.

I wish you nothing but the best and even if you found my advice completely worthless, I hope that something eventually helps you out of the rut that you're in.

Feel free to keep venting in this thread man, I know it's a tough time for you.