{{{{krzykris}}}}

Thank you for sharing that. I helps to have people who understand.

The answering machine thing is another issue for me that hit home. Something that was really bad during my isolation as my depression grew. I make conscious effort to not do that now... if i need contact i will call someone instead waiting for them to call, but it is so hard to fight that instinct of feeling rejected that becomes so magnified with the depression. I still feel like I am actively tackling my isolation but as things go along i find less and less people that i truly trust to call and share stuff with (as evidenced by the stuff going on at work and with other friends). I have so many friends that care about me, miss me, send me their energy and love and strength... and after time, with no one being able to follow through with that and make some effort to answer my requests it all becomes hollow. Its so nice that they "think of me all the time" but that doesn't do me one lick of good. If i were in the hospital, moved away, or were dead they could still "think of me all the time".

if you can't tell i'm getting tired of hearing that from people who are so "busy" that they can't even email more than once in three months. I am "important" in their lives yet this year and last year I go no visitors, no calls, no gifts from ANYONE for christmas, hanukah, birthday, etc.

I did see a friend yesterday and that was good. It is someone for whom I am "in the closet" though. Previous contact before that was middle of November. It is probably unhealthy that I am keeping track of time between seeing people.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>